Dealing With a Difficult Boss By Warren R. Jacobs, MMFT
Brilliant, But Difficult
As an executive coach, I have had the privilege of working closely with many exceptional and talented leaders. Although at times these leaders could be described as “a brilliant, but difficult boss“.
These leaders could be counted on to get the job done. Unfortunately, they often left a trail of unpleasantness and destruction in the workplace.
Indicators
Very often what we’ve found is that these “brilliant but difficult” leaders are prone to:
- Intolerance
- Overreaction
- Micromanaging
- Condescension
- Public humiliation of colleagues
- They seem to cause others much distress
Ultimately, these tendencies, or behaviors, can result in destroying team cohesion, organizational culture and impacting team performance
The strange thing was that these individuals were often unaware of how much damage they were causing around them. In other cases these signs were completely ignored.
What We Discovered
What we have learned is that in the view of this “brilliant but difficult” individual, the main priority was getting the job done, whatever it takes.
Sometimes these leaders recognized they were overly harsh with people. However these leaders rationalized this behavior, the point was that it was all in the effort to achieve great results.
The surprise for some of these individuals was in after receiving a 360 feedback report. These reports often showed coworkers as being afraid of them. Some reported fearing for their job security, or disliking these leaders. To these exceptional individuals, this was shocking information.
They never intended to cause harm.
Rather, their intention was to carry out what they saw as their duty as a leader. In their mind their duty was to attain the targets that would keep them ahead of their competitors, make stakeholders happy, or sometimes, preserving the company’s reputation.
Eric’s Story
One of my clients, Eric (not his real name), was a classic example of a “difficult boss.”
Eric was adored by customers. They appreciated his amazing work ethic. His ability to deliver top results, and his exceptional attention to detail impressed clients. He was a ‘golden boy” of the company, climbing the ranks of leadership in the company.
However as Eric moved up the ladder in the company and was promoted, things changed.
The demands of the job increased and Eric’s behavior in the workplace became somewhat volatile.
Eric easily became frustrated by the slowness of coworkers to grasp his ideas. He didn’t understand why they couldn’t produce the results he was looking for.
He would easily fly off the handle at coworkers. Insulting a colleague became commonplace; his behavior continued to escalate. Slamming the door of his office, or cutting people off with an intimidating glare created division and tension. Making a dismissive comment to coworkers was the norm.
What Happened Next
As often happens in these situations, the impression of a difficult boss can be intimidating. His direct reports became anxious in his presence. They were never quite sure about his mood that day, and what might set him off.
Many coworkers were reluctant to talk to him about problems they were having with their work. They worked to avoid experiencing his instant displeasure, or having him assess them as incompetent. As a result when Eric asked people for their ideas, they would be hesitant to speak up.
Having observed others efforts to contribute being rebuffed, coworkers weren’t willing to risk Eric’s wrath. They often anticipated either dismissed as silly, or to be assigned tasks and micromanaged by him. They learned that written reports they submitted often came back covered in so much red ink that employees felt humiliated.
Eric’s View
So while Coworkers were feeling disgruntled, disrespected and undervalued Eric was feeling frustrated.
He didn’t understand why he had such poor and underperforming people on his team. Eric wondered why he had to do so much himself.
He also didn’t understand why people couldn’t step up to deliver the kind of work he did. By the time he corrected everyone’s work, he could have done it all himself.
Eric thought most of his senior staff members seemed to lack proficiency and good ideas. This caused him to feel he had to pick up the slack. So, ultimately, Eric ended up handling most of the implementation elements of the job.
It seemed that the more his people pulled back, the more he increased his workload – and his intensity. The atmosphere in the department became very tense.
Eric, a non-intentional difficult boss, and employees attempted to navigate their relationships in this difficult environment.
A Domino Effect
Consequently, this unhealthy cycle eventually started to impact more than just Eric and his team.
Those who reported directly to Eric were affected by his behavior. Members of the company’s leadership team, began to see the challenges of this building tension. The impact of this negative cultural dynamic began to be noticed by others in the company.
Over time Erics staff began complaining about their boss.
As a result of this ongoing tension many even began to seek work in other departments, and some were seeking other employment.
Even Eric’s peers expressed concern. They were concerned with his snappy behavior toward his coworkers.
This came to the attention of the company CEO, who became concerned that good people were leaving the firm.
Eric’s Take
Eric was asked to work with an executive coach, who could help him with his leadership skills.
As someone who had experience with abrasive leaders, I was introduced as a coach who could partner with Eric. I would work with him over time.
The goals were:
- Help identify what the negative perceptions of his leadership were
- What was causing them
- How to make them go away for good
Eric was not charmed with the idea of coaching.
After all, his track record in the company was stellar.
He, in fact, had just received an award for leading a highly successful project.
Since starting at the firm in his early twenties, he had done nothing but excel, and had been recognized accordingly.
First Impressions
The 360 feedback that Eric received as part of his coaching helped clarify some issues for him. This feedback confirmed that he was highly regarded for his technical skills. This was something valued by his clients. However, he was deeply lacking in terms of leadership.
Eric’s Team
Colleagues, and direct reports alike, described him as intense, aggressive, and insensitive to the feelings of others. He tended to operate as a lone wolf, seemingly uninterested in teamwork.
At times he was rude and short of patience. He devoted little time to mentoring employees. He appeared to view one-on-one meetings as an interruption of his work.
He’d Worked For His Success
What we discovered is that over the years, Eric had not learned to be a leader.
Eric’s expertise was that of being a rather a superb individual contributor. He’d worked hard. He was great at his job servicing clients.
Yet, even with his success as an individual with clients, he found himself unprepared to be in charge of a group of people. Therefore, Eric felt angry and frustrated when he learned that he was so poorly regarded as a manager. In truth, he had little idea about what it meant to truly lead.
Each time he had been afforded the opportunity for a promotion, he had simply stepped up to the next level, without changing his approach to leadership.
He simply repeated that which made him successful in the previous position; he worked hard to deliver results and he held his staff accountable for reaching their departmental goals and targets.
Eric’s Commitment
As Erics level of responsibility grew in the company, he had even more work and people to manage. Over time, things became unsustainable for him.
On the bright side, Eric was goal-oriented and committed to being successful in his career. Subsequently the feedback and coaching intervention felt like a setback.
Eric knew that he needed to set an objective to become a better leader. He knew that by doing this he could avoid the career failure that could lead to his dismissal or early retirement.
He knew how to work hard and get things done. Now he needed to learn how to do that with or through other people.
Organizational Impact
Another positive for him was that Eric had a boss who believed in his ability to change.
Replacing Eric was one more thing that could have a negative impact on the organizational culture. His boss would support him and not try to replace him with someone new.
While he was supportive of Eric the CEO was unwilling to allow the negative leadership pattern to continue.
Therefore it was important to find a solution that was a win-win for everyone involved.
So while I was brought in as an external coach to deal with Eric’s behavior in particular the CEO expected to be informed of his progress through regular feedback.
Taking Ownership
Ultimately, the CEO realized that all the promotions and awards given to him over the years had contributed to Erics belief that what he was doing was somehow working.
This level of accountability from the CEO was as important to the coaching process as was Eric’s willingness to seek assistance and be coached.
The bigger issue in these situations lies in trying to bring about behavioral change in an organizational system that asks for one thing but rewards another.
This is too often a recipe for failure.
Sometimes the problem is too far-gone.
The main issue with this pattern of rewarding behavior that has been openly or tacitly endorsed for so many years, is that the people involved have often lost hope of any change.
In this case the CEO was willing to look at the corporation’s historical practices.
He recognized the negative impact of the cultural practices in his organization that led to this problem for Eric. In doing so, the CEO took ownership for being part of the problem.
The Coaching Approach
In keeping with essential leadership development concepts, the coaching addressed the visible, or external, behaviors of the leader.
Our coaching evaluated Erics impact on the organization.
In addition we looked at Erics ability to manage his personal awareness as well as others perceptions of him as a leader.
Initiating the coaching was, in many ways, a step toward disrupting the inner pattern both at the individual level and system level of the organization.
So for the individual, this means noticing, for example, that his performance at the “Achiever” or “Expert” level as an individual is no longer enough, or even desirable.
At the level of the corporate culture, it can mean questioning the kinds of practices that the system has been tolerating, or even encouraging, perhaps without realizing the dire consequences.
Eric’s Focus
In the beginning, the coaching with Eric focused on his “inside game“. That is, it aimed at increasing his level of self-understanding and personal drives.
This included reflecting on what leadership actually meant to Eric. We were considering how he wanted to be perceived by his team. Eric was deciding whether he really wanted to be a leader of people.
This process also involved exploring the fears, assumptions, and beliefs that underlay his behavior.
For example, Eric had received many accolades and had been promoted to executive. Yet he still harbored the concern that people might still see him as the colleague who was at their level but who got promoted despite his limited technical expertise in the field.
A Need for Perfect Performance
Eric admitted that he often felt like an imposter. Consequently his fear was that it would soon be evident to those around him that his promotion to a senior leadership level was a big mistake.
This lack of confidence led to over-managing others. He was doing this by over-controlling output. He experienced constant anxiety about whether all the work submitted by his area was flawless.
This need to perform perfectly also caused Eric to push himself relentlessly; he worked harder than anyone else, making himself available 24/7. He had little tolerance for mistakes or missteps in himself, or others.
Eric’s Realizations
As we progressed in our coaching, when Eric would snarl at a coworker, he would sometimes realize that he had been unduly unpleasant. At times Eric would feel some remorse for this behavior, but then would convince himself that the person deserved to be reprimanded.
Eric admitted that he often simply lacked the time or inclination to show restraint, or patience with others, whom he deemed incompetent. Unfortunately, there was a toll that came with this kind of intense, driven behavior.
He began to see that when he lost patience, barked at coworkers, or cut people off, they pulled away from him and began to doubt his leadership ability.
With the help of coaching and the 360 feedback, he came to realize that his abrasiveness actually reduced the quality of people’s work.
For example, his coworkers felt so nervous in his presence that they shut down, were reluctant to express their ideas, and lost their creativity and passion for their work.
Feeling threatened, they took flight or froze. Few were willing to fight with a senior, abrasive boss.
Skill Development
So while Erics inner awareness was growing, the coaching also addressed his “outside” skills.
These complex, high-level interpersonal capabilities do not come naturally to many leaders.
These were the competencies that support effective leadership, such as:
- The ability to manage relationships and build a team
- Developing a shared vision
- Ability to collaborate with others
- To hold difficult conversations
- Empathy
- The capacity to manage emotion-laden situations
- The ability to assert one’s point of view without being aggressive and controlling, while being open to that of others views
As is often the case, Eric was not promoted because of his skillful application of emotional intelligence, or his ability to inspire people to follow him.
These were areas that needed further development, and they would not change overnight, but he was committed to make improvement.
Company Culture Changes
Externally, on a systems level, the coaching highlighted the need for processes that would support leadership development in the company that included:
- Regular, candid feedback for managers
- Active collaboration among different team members
- An orientation program for new and emerging leaders
- The creation of selection criteria for leadership positions
- 360 reviews for management
- Employee engagement surveys.
Until this point, the company had not paid much attention to leadership and its impact on the organization’s culture, performance and success.
On the interior side, the company also had to assess its willingness to take a stand for its adopted values by asking some questions like:
- Did the organization’s reward and recognition system include the treatment of staff, or just results for the client and company’s bottom-line?
- Did the organization cast a vision on the desired culture for the workplace and is it measurable?
Company Culture: It Starts Here
What is interesting about the story of Eric is that he was in many ways a product of his company culture.
As a hardworking young person who demonstrated a drive to succeed, he was chosen and shaped for a management role.
Without any orientation to the position or clear expectations about what it means to lead, he relied on what had made his successful to date, and continued to do more of that.
Unfortunately, however, the skills of the individual contributor are not the same as those of a leader.
But, without feedback or guidance to the contrary, how would he have known?
Leading effectively requires that managers grow internally and externally.
It requires that their companies evolve their collective consciousness as well, changing processes, policies, and beliefs to support the kind of culture to which they aspire.
At the end of the day, people will engage in behavior that is rewarded.
We must be attentive to the messages we provide, overt and inadvertent, and take action to terminate behaviors that are ultimately unhealthy.
A True Win-Win
In the case of Eric, the story had a happy ending for both the company and the leader.
His boss, as part of the coaching process, saw the need to take action to revise company leadership practices and beliefs.
Eric, motivated to be successful as a manager, shifted his mental models and assumptions about leading, and began engaging in new behaviors.
This was not an easy road – as with any transformation, there were some bumps along the way.
However, with a determined leader, a supportive boss, a committed coach, and a system open to change, things eventually turned around.
Outcomes: A Balanced Path Forward
For Eric the transformation occurred on several levels:
- Eric became more approachable and calm at work, he began to live his life with less intensity
- He took time to be self-nurturing and built relationships inside and outside the office
- He put the development of his people and his team as a priority and began to enjoy that part of his role
- As he shared the workload with others, he had more time to be strategic and thoughtful about his impact as a leader
He became an advocate for professional development in the company, including the need for conscious leadership.
Eric, a leader once feared and disliked, went from being considered a difficult boss to inspiring those around him.
Final Thoughts
In short, using coaching based on fundamental leadership development concepts helped bring about the successful transformation of a Director formerly viewed by coworkers as a difficult boss.
For deep and continuous change to occur, the work needed to explore Eric’s visible behaviors and practices.
It was also vital to also evaluate the powerful values, attitudes, and beliefs held by the individual in comparison to that of the organization.
In the end, the outcome for Eric and his company was remarkable.
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